Spam (A lot!)

Just a couple of days ago, a man the media has dubbed the “Spam King” was ordered to pay six million dollars for spamming MySpace users.  It wasn’t the first time this man has paid millions for this particular misdeed, and I would venture to guess it won’t be the last. Judging by the overwhelming amount of spam I receive myself, he very likely has plenty of company in that particular endeavor.

The more I consider it, the more I think that his big mistake is simply one of oversight.  He has neglected to categorize his sales pitches and aim them toward the proper markets. 

Personally, as a forty-something mother of two, I can’t seem to drum up much enthusiasm about learning “How to Find Hot

Latina

Babes." And I most certainly have no need of the hundreds of Viagra pills I can obtain at such incredible prices, direct from

Canada

, 100% effective and guaranteed to get me some action within 15 minutes. And though it may come as a surprise to my most zealous of spammers, I have not been hoping someone would email me with a miraculous way to “Enhance your Penis Size” or find “The Easy Way to become Well Hung.”

They are so devoted to sharing this with me that I feel rather bad about not even opening their mail, but the fact is and shall always remain that I simply don’t have the necessary equipment.   True, my husband does, but as far as I’m concerned he needs no “enhancement”, thankyouverymuch, and I believe I quite resent the implication.

Some of the other spam emails I’ve received recently have baffled me even more, considering where I fall in the marketing curve. Here are a few more examples:

“

Perfect   Way

to Get More Manly” (umm…no thank you.)

“Gain 3+ Inches in Length!” (I suppose it *could* be a hair growth thing…but no, maybe not…)

“Give your Wife Greater Stimulation” (I imagine this was misdirected and should have gone to my husband’s account.  Perhaps I should forward it…)

And the most disturbing subject line thus far: “Bomb her Womb with Your Huge Cannon.”  Well. I don’t imagine that one needs any commentary.

All of this spam wouldn’t be so bad if it were anything at all useful to me, personally.  For instance, I might get past the subject line if they sent me emails offering “Free Daily Housecleaning for One Full Year!”  Or even “We’ll Scoop the Poop from Your Yard FOR you!” That would certainly be worth looking into further.  Considering that I spend most days feeling like Mom’s 24-hour Taxi, perhaps if they sent me something like “Free Chauffeur Service for the Entire Summer!” I could keep my finger off that “delete” key altogether. 

But until the “Spam King” decides to ask his unwitting subjects which products they might actually use, or at the very least takes into consideration whether or not all parts required are actually present,  I am afraid he will have to keep paying his millions, and I will have to keep dragging his email to my recycle bin.

-- Submitted by Thalia

Related Links:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/pcworld/20080617/tc_pcworld/147159

http://www.cafepress.com/spamdemic/

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Ending-Spam/Jonathan-A-Zdziarski/e/9781593270520

http://www.amazon.com/Stopping-Spam-Alan-Schwartz/dp/156592388X

http://www.abuse.net/books.html